The hardest thing for me these days is keeping the hope alive, keeping the trust with the universe - god - myself that all is well and the dreams and desires I have are there for a reason, and the talent, training, etc I have is there for a reason. My coach recently told me that "To Have it all, I have to give it all up" - another way of "Letting Go", but the problem is - in letting go, the hope and knowing and trust also goes.
All the self help stuff out there, all says in a nutshell, "Don't Worry, Be Happy", They all say, "don't be in argument with what it", "It is what it is" - so today, November 13, 2010, I find myself wondering how does one be totally happy and fulfilled with what is when that reality does not contain the dreams and desires I have had my whole life.
I wonder if the artists I have long admired felt the same way. Did John Lennon ever say to himself before he became successful, "If I don't get to make music for the world, I will still be happy". Did Helen Mirren ever say, "If it didn't happen for me now, then it never will, and I better find another dream to aspire to". Are these examples just examples of lucky people? Is there such a thing as luck?
Can an artist ever be happy if they don't get to do the art that is inside them? The art they have always known is their passion and that is their destiny to make it come out and share with the world?
I have a great comedy series that I love, and it is all on me to make it. No one is helping me unless I pay them, and I must have a way to make money which means working a ton of hours a week to pay the bills, support the kids, and make my show, and - oh yeah, have a place to live and eat food. I am someone with responsibilities and waiting tables, or bartending or those other actor "day jobs" don't give me the type of money I need for my family.
So what does one do in this case? It's a hard one. If anyone out there feels the same way, leave a comment. The bottom line, we must find happiness with a life that is not what we want. We must keep hope alive, the dream alive, and find ways to be happy with the life we have. I know that is true, but I am sharing with you all how hard it is to accept that. I know there are tons of extremely talented people out there not living their dreams. I weep for them. I weep for myself.
If anyone wants to partner with me to make my show all it can be, for the love of art, and not for money, (until we are on Showtime - then you can have money :) ) reach out to me. Writing my own roles and producing my series, one episode at a time is the only way I know to keep this dream alive. Be a being of love and do all you can to love yourself most of all, so you can love those in your life. If you were to tell someone you truly love to not give up hope, then tell that to yourself. How would you inspire someone you love to not give up? Inspire yourself. Love yourself, and Let It Be.
Wishing you all for your dreams to come true and for you all to live lives of JOY.
Neerja
